Your Test Tube Brother
by deerskins
Summary: "You didn't tell me that you have an evil twin, Peter!" "Reformed evil twin. And he's my clone, Wade, not my twin."


It was just yet another late night of Wade breaking into Peter's apartment to borrow his oven. What? He's using his own for storage and he promised dear sweet Eleanor a batch of his famous cookies. At least in Bob's opinion they're famous. The man flips on the kitchen light switch and is soon greeted by the sound of a familiar groan on the nearby couch.

"Aww rough night, Petey boy?" Wade cooed as he tip toed in a cartoonish manner towards the large form taking over the couch. "I'll come over there and kiss your boo boos better. Doctor Deadpool is on the case!"

Hold the phone. A large form? Huh, okay, that's not something that fit one's typical descriptive build of Peter. It's not that the guy is a lanky twink—he's solidly built—but he's certainly not the considerably beefy man that has taken residence in Peter's home.

Just as Wade was reaching to remove the blanket from the stranger, a hand whipped out from under the blanket and grabbed the mercenary's wrist. Oooh, that was definitely the sound of bones cracking. Before he had any time to react, Wade found himself on the floor staring up at what appeared to be a doppelganger straddling him while a forearm stinger was only inches from his throat. Kinky.

"What the heck is going on out there?" called Peter as he clamored out of his bedroom wearing his costume leggings and a t-shirt one size too big. By the looks of his bed head it was apparent that he had been sleeping up until now. Upon seeing the scene, he grumbled and dragged a palm down his face.

Wade reached for a knife out of one of his many pouches stabbed the beefcake spider in the thigh which caused the man to shout out in pain. Once he was out of the man's grip Wade rolled sideways, jumped onto his feet, and dashed over to Peter with his arms open as if expecting a hug.

"There's my cutie patootie with a booty!"

Instead of leaping into Wade's arms, Peter pushed himself out of Wade's way and went to assist the stranger. In the process he took a roll of bandages off the couch side table. As the brunette knelt down to calm down and wrap up the mystery man, who was muttering strings of curses, Wade let out a bitter laugh. Jealous? Who's jealous? Certainly not Wade Wilson.

The Peter lookalike whipped his head up to glare at Wade before looking back at Peter with a raised eyebrow. In return Peter gave him a solemn nod on top of a bashful smile. The man grimaced and shook his head which led Peter to give him a scorned look. It was if they were having a silent conversation. Once again, Wade was feeling almost jealous of this. The way that two people could exchange looks and fully understand what they were communicating. The silence was broken when the stranger spoke up.

"You're dating fucking Deadpool," he said in a blunt manner. "Jesus Christ, I can't believe it. Whatever happened to that woman you were engaged to, huh? We've always swung both ways but I can't believe you'd ditch her for this lunatic."

"Things didn't work out for me and MJ. Besides, people change," Peter replied matter of factly with a shrug. "You should know that better than anyone else, Kaine."

No reply on that one.

The man—Kaine—stood up then gave a frankly speechless, confused Wade another look before sighing and rubbing his shoulder. Much the same way that Peter does before an apology after a tense situation. However, Kaine said nothing and went back to sitting on the couch to nurse where he had been stabbed earlier on.

Peter walked up to Wade, his arms crossed, and gave his partner a scolding look as if he was about to punish a child. He shook his head and said, "I don't know why you couldn't have just called me. I don't appreciate you breaking in and you've broken the front door doing so once already this month. We're only two weeks into it!"

Ignoring the lecture his boyfriend was giving him, Wade stood there listing off the differences and similarities between Peter and Kaine. Save for their facial structure and eye color, they weren't all that identical. Kaine had short light brown bordering on dark blond hair, was taller by a couple of inches, and was, as he had earlier realized, more muscular than Peter. Even his voice managed to sound a bit more gruff now that Wade thought back on it.

"Earth to Wade?" Peter waved his hand in front of the older man's face. "Hello? Oh, boy. Huston, we have a problem."

"I understand it now," Wade whispered moments later, looking Peter in the eye. Well, as close as one can get when still wearing a full face mask. Peter frowned, feeling out of the loop. Not that it was hard to fall out of Wade's loop to begin with when it comes down to his train of thoughts.

"What are you talking about?"

Wade took off his mask to give Peter a huge grin that further contorted his face.

"You never told me that you have an evil twin!"

Peter was shocked for a moment before he laughed and set a hand on the older man's broad shoulder. He shook his head and with a smile said, "_Reformed_ evil twin. And he's my clone, Wade, not my twin."

The mercenary put a hand up to his mouth to cover his surprise.

"Gosh, Petey, that's something that you should tell someone on a first date! I always knew you had imitators but I never thought about the possibility of clones. Gasp! Imagine all of the threesomes we could have!"

Blush threatened to take over Peter's face at Wade's last comment. He laughed nervously as he looked back at Kaine—who was minding his own business—and replied, "It's always sex with you, isn't it, Wade?"

"Not always. Maybe only about 70% of the time. But hey, I'm cool with it if you're not down for selfcest. Even though it's basically masturbation. Except you can put your dick in your ass or vice versa! Speaking from experience, it's mind blowing."

Peter bit his lower lip, still blushing ferociously, then said, "How about we save that idea for another day, Wade. It's time I tell you about my clones."

"You mean there's more of my baby boy!?"


End file.
